Rail fare increase justified by bosses

Rail bosses are justifying the increase in fare prices, by insisting the money is going back into the network.

“The extra cash raised by the increase doesn’t just top up our massive pension pots”, explains David Smith of Curtain Rail “We are constantly investing in the quality of the service we provide”.

“This money will go towards, amongst other things, improvements to first class bathroom facilities. We see gold plated taps, heated toilet seats and expensive toilet paper as improvements required to motivate people to spend even more money upgrading to our premium service.”

“This will automatically free more space in pauper class” continues Smith, “Which means the man in the street is more likely to get a seat when he boards one of our trains.”

“Nobody wants another politician sitting on a rail coach floor incident, like Mr Corbyn last year”

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